This whole optimism thing is new to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a pessimist, I like to think of myself as a realist (and when I say, realist, I tend to look at the worst case scenario, but hope for the best!) Call it the anxiety, call it whatever you want. I like to be prepared. I’ve been really trying to make an effort lately to ‘look on the bright side.’ But when I lost my job recently, unforeseen to me, I needed a minute. Not because it was the perfect job, or I had been there for years, but because it was unexpected. Doesn’t everyone always want the choice to leave when they’re ready? I’m not a first-timer here. I was laid-off earlier in my career at a job I loved. I was there for 2 years and was devastated. This time around, the emotions were more about pride and shock (not the 1.5 hour commute!)
So, I allowed myself the weekend to grieve. Through tears, a couple of drinks and venting with family, I got over it. Shit happens. Then, I have to admit, part of me was relieved. Not because I hoped it would happen, but I thought about the time with my daughters. The perfect time really. August means one more month of summer. Parks, playgrounds and ice cream didn’t have to be so few and far between anymore. In fact, I could make them my priority.
Doesn’t everyone need a reason to get up in the morning? For me, it’s my family. I not only love them, I love spending time with them. I love being a mom. It’s my favorite job. Although it pays in hugs and kisses rather than dollars and cents, I’ll take it. I know, one day, I’ll be at work and my kids will be at school or at a friend’s house and I’ll remember the quality time I’ve had and I’ll smile (and probably cry happy tears too!)
In the meantime, I made a summer bucket list. All of our favorite places. None of them are expensive, they’re more sentimental. A playground or petting zoo or our local ice cream place. So, as I kick-start my job search while juggling an overtired toddler and picky kindergartener, I’m going to remember, this decision, really did happen for a reason. Time with my daughters is priceless.