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I remember this feeling…

It’s euphoria… it’s the happy, calming rush of endorphins I so desperately missed.

It comes at the price of a gym membership for my family and I. We didn’t really have the money in our budget, but it felt like a basic necessity at one point (and it includes 2 free hours of childcare so I was sold!)

I sometimes felt like I was drowning and needed an outlet. I needed something for me. I needed to feel good doing something that was healthy for my body. I work from home a couple of times a week and take care of my two young daughters. There’s no place I’d rather be. Being a mama gives me the most unexpected joy. I feel young when I’m chasing them around. I giggle with them and am so proud of how smart they are.  I love watching them playing together. It warms my heart so see sisters bonding and coming up with the silliest make-believe games.

That being said, as parents know, it’s also hard as hell. There’s no given break. There are no guaranteed nap times or bathroom breaks or meal times. It’s a 24/7 job.  It’s the best, most blessed job in the world, however, it’s all-consuming.  And it’s ok to admit you need a break sometimes!!!

The anxiety also sneaks up on me. I’ll feel like crap one night, for some reason, feeling the weight of the world on my chest. It started in my 20’s and is more manageable now after I saw a therapist. She taught me how to cope with the big stuff. And while I don’t see her anymore, I still worry, about anything and everything sometimes. Mostly my girls. If they’re sick, that’s all I can think about. If a family member or friend is going through something challenging, I empathize and try to think of a way to help. It’s just who I am.

My mind doesn’t stop… except when I run. I’m the girl who told people how much I hated it and that my body just doesn’t like it. And then I started again about two months ago. I figured out a way to beat that awful side stitch (bananas for me). I started slow and was patient with myself. It took some time, but I can run three miles today. It feels amazing. For me, it’s not about losing weight (in fact, I’m gaining since I’m eating more), it’s about feeling good and healthy and that I accomplished a goal… just for me. I’ve always wanted to run a 5K and now I can.