For weeks, I’ve been anxious about this wedding.
Two nights away from my two daughters.
I’ve never left my 8 month old and have only left my 2 1/2 year old a couple of times.
I had so many mixed feelings about it.
Would the girls be ok? Would I be ok? Would I be able to have fun?
As I suspected, it was a roller coaster of emotions.
I wrote an 8 page note, (yes I said 8) for my mother in law, all about my daughters’ schedules, including when they eat, sleep and what they like to play with. (I did apologize for being so detailed but told her it made me feel better. She didn’t make me feel bad, but instead offered words of encouragement and told me how they would all be fine.)
I’m a basket case. I’m in tears in the shower getting ready, am on edge and still can’t believe I’m about to walk out of the house, BUT, I did.
I collect myself for a minute, looking around for any excuse to delay the inevitable, but it’s time for hugs and kisses.
I ball my eyes out, my oldest, Brianna, handing ME tissues, telling me, “it’s ok mama”.
As I’m walking out to the driveway, I reach to get into the car, and slip on the ice and fall HARD on my tailbone, just making the tears worse. My husband comes running, “are you ok, do you need to go to the hospital?” “Nope”, I tell him, it’s just going to hurt for a while! So, now ice pack and Advil in hand, we head out.
The first half hour or so is the worst. I realize at some point, I’ll have to stop crying, and eventually do. I am so blessed to have such an incredible husband, who is so encouraging and supportive. He tried to make me laugh and held my hand until I needed him to.
When we stopped at a mom and pop store for a sandwich along the way, I got locked out when they let me use their restroom in the back. I had to call my husband to tell them I was stuck because no one heard me banging on the door! (makes for a good laugh now, but at the time, I was a little discouraged!)
Overall, no more bumps in the road on the way, we didn’t hit traffic and made good time.
We got to the hotel, and part of me started to get excited.
It’s been A WHILE since my husband and I were away, in fact we didn’t take a honeymoon, we had children instead!
The hotel was beautiful and clean and I started to relax, a little, but needed a quick phone call with the girls to make sure everything was ok.
My husband brought his computer and we set up mine at home to skype with them.
I highly recommend this to anyone who is dreading leaving their little ones. It was so good to see them and talk to them and I think they thought it was just as exciting that they got to see mom and dad on the computer too!
Ahh, I feel myself start to relax for a few minutes!
My husband had to go to the rehearsal since he was in the wedding, so I had about an hour to kill.
I literally didn’t know what to do with myself. It was sooo quiet. No one needed my help, I’m not home so I’m not going to clean anything, and I don’t have THAT much time where I’m going to go take a walk or something, it was just really weird to be left alone in the quiet with my thoughts! I am usually so busy, I honestly don’t know how to slow down and just take a deep breath, but I tried!
I get all dressed up and had a really fun night, catching up with friends, celebrating the happy couple and drinking a couple glasses of wine.
I actually did get some sleep. I think I was just so exhausted and filled with emotion that my body gave up and let me rest!
But, of course I didn’t sleep in, and couldn’t wait to call the girls!
Thank God for skype!
I’m so relieved to see their happy faces and to hear that they both slept for my mother in law! Hooray!
So, my husband and I head out with some friends and make a day of exploring the city and doing touristy things.
It was the first time in a while I wasn’t either carrying a child, holding someones hand or pushing a carriage. (not that I mind those things AT ALL!) It was nice, however, for the first time in years, I didn’t have to think about diaper changes, meals and nap time.
I had a great time with my husband.
The wedding was that night, so I wanted to make sure we got at least one more opportunity to skype with the girls before we had to get ready and go.
I felt myself relax when I got to talk to them again and thought to myself, one more day until I can see them!!
I’m not going to lie, a bonus of being away? Getting ready. It was bizarre to just shower, do my hair and make up and get dressed without any interuptions.
The wedding was absolutely beautiful. At this moment, I am SO glad I came. I love this couple. They are so in love and wrote their own vows, the ceremony was extremely genuine and personal, perfect!
You know what else I missed (besides the girls of course?) DANCING!
I LOVE to dance at weddings and was so glad they had great music. I had a blast with our friends and they had a photo booth at the reception where we could take silly pictures!
I made it through the whole reception, but hit my wall when it was over. I was not going to make it to the after party. It’s 11pm. I’ll be honest, I’m usually in bed by 9:30, if not earlier. Not only did I enjoy a few cocktails, I danced my butt off, and couldn’t wait to close my eyes because when I wake up, I get to see my girls.
But, instead of drifting off to sleep, I had a mini meltdown. I should have known it was coming. I missed my girls. It’s after midnight and I can’t call them because they’re asleep. I can’t look at the monitor or open their bedroom door to confirm what I’m hoping, that they’re sound asleep and fine and I should stop worrying. But I can’t turn off the water works. I can’t wait until morning to call them and get in the car and drive home. I need hugs from my girls.
I don’t sleep AT ALL.
When I look in the mirror, I look like it. My eyes are half shut, my skin looks like crap, and I feel emotionally drained.
There’s a breakfast for the wedding guests at the hotel. Although I’m tempted to skip it, my husband says, let’s go and then we’ll leave. I’m so glad we went. It gave us an opportunity to thank the couple for being so accomodating and to congratulate them.
We check out and get on the road.
OF COURSE we hit traffic on the way home. We’re both soo tired and can’t wait to see our daughters.
After what seems like forever, we get home. I open the door, and hear “Mama”. I think the best sound I’ve ever heard. I hug my girls and just look at them and snuggle them for what seems like forever.
No tears this time. I probably ran out or something.
I’m proud of myself.
I always knew we were leaving my daughters in more than capable hands. I was confident they would be fine and my mother in law could handle any situation that arose and that was a big part of why I was able to leave the house in the first places.
I am also glad I went because I really like the couple who got married.
I’m glad I had that much alone time with my husband. It was LONG overdue and I found out how much I really miss him too. He got to see me awake and all dressed up, which almost never happens anymore.
We had fun.
It’s good to check in with each other and challenge yourself to do things that scare the crap out of you sometimes. I have to realize I can’t control everything and to trust my gut.
I’m glad I went.
I survived. My children are happy and healthy. I am very blessed. I am thankful I have this outlet to express all the emotions I went through, and thank you for reading this if you made it to the end!
I’d love to hear your stories about any weekend getaways you have had!